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1 – “Bigger Than Normal Hole”
Hole Info
Description
The real course notes say this is a bigger than normal hole…which makes me giggle. Nothing too impossible on this hole. Those bunkers shouldn’t be in play and a good drive will fly right by them. The green is elevated and has a false front. Going long here is a bad idea as there is waste land 13 yards off the back of the green.
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2 – I Love Smooshin’
Hole Info
Description
Might want to step on this one off the tee so you are not left with a long iron into the green. Fairway pinches right around the landing area of a good drive. I have no idea what they are doing with the bunker placements on this hole. The green is a little bit elevated and looks to be two tiers so mid your distance.
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3 – Are We High?
Hole Info
Description
Yeah, yeah you are high…er than the green for this tee box. Mind the distance here and the green is a bitch so snuggle one up close to the pin so you don’t 3 putt like a butt fuck.
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4 – Stop Rubbing it Like it Gives You Wishes
Hole Info
Description
Before you get all bonered up about getting an eagle on this one you need to put that hot sauce down. This one needs to be finessed like, well, like a….fuck I don’t know…I’m a fucking Rhino. Play your drive out to the right as the fairway slides left. Your second should play into that open area about 20 yards shy of that trap. This leaves you a nice short wedge into a 3 tiered monster that you want to only have to tap one in.
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5 – 3 Putt Butt Fuck
Hole Info
Description
First of all lets all just pause and appreciate that an uphill 193 yard par three over a ghost creek isn’t exactly in our wheel house of accuracy. There, that feels better. Now, just reach down into that empty sack where you once kept your balls and now filled it with sand so it “swings right” and try and muster up some power and a lot of luck. This green is massive and can leave you with a 120 foot putt.
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6 – Creek Rape
Hole Info
Description
Ever been raped by a creek? No? Well here we go. This hole wants you to favor the right so you don’t slope off to the left and down the hill. But, too far right and you are swimming with a bunch of creek water going up your butt…hence the creek rape. So, aim over the top of that first bunker and make this hole your bitch. Approach should be dead on to avoid the water and the bunker or bail out long if needed.
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7 – Sweet Baby Draw To Taco Bell Shits
Hole Info
Description
Now would be the time to pull off that sweet baby draw. Aim over the first bunker and let this draw back to the speed shoot and ride that like the Taco Bell shits. If you clear that cart path Jaime said he will blow you…after that round because he wants it to be something special. The green side bunkers are actually “fore bunkers” meaning they are about 10 to 15 yards short of the front of the green. This can cause you to hit short. Trust you number and burry this bitch.
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8 – Little Nipple Flicker
Hole Info
Description
Ok, that left trap is your aim. You want to be just short of it. If you get into this you could go into it so don’t do that. Going for this green in two is a low percentage shot, like me staying sober through this round, because of this little tiny nipple flicker of a green. It is the smallest green on the course, and it is a proper cunt. If you are looking for birdy you need to put your 3rd shot to tap in range or get ready to be unceremoniously thunder fucked by this green.
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9 – Wetland Sanctuary
Hole Info
Description
This hole is named Wetland Sanctuary not because of it’s pristine beauty but because it is a cunt and it is looking to fuck all of us. The play here is to hug those bunkers on the left. The water or the creek are out of play if you stay left. If you are successful in that endeavor you are left with a “safer” shot over the water which kind of, like a little bit, takes the water out of play leaving you with Back and Right for bail outs by the green. You are hitting a longer iron into this green so favor the right.
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10 – The Last Dick Bender
Hole Info
Description
Time to ride some wind. This hole should be with the wind and you want to ride it like I rode Adams last night out by the fountain. Drive a perfect ball right over the right trap rolling out well shy of the creek. Long iron into this lightly guarded green. This should be a look at eagle.
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11 – Nasty Little Bitch
Hole Info
Description
Take a look at this nasty little bitch. That creek is like picking up a hitch hiker who doesn’t have anywhere to actually go and you quickly realize he is just along for the ride but you are pretty sure he is going to fuck you at some point. I don’t want to talk about it. Anyway…if the pin is in the back right you are better to go at the middle. This is a little up hill so hit it a few extra yards.
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12 – Imma Cut a Bitch
Hole Info
Description
I’m going right over those trees to take that sand trap out of play and roll out to about 310. The actual course notes say that is a bad idea but the actual course notes can go fuck themselves. This green has a ridge that cuts it so mind your distance and pick a side.
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13 – Climb Up Dick Mountain Mouth First
Hole Info
Description
This pig fucker is up hill all the way so that fairway trap is in play along with that huge bunker on the right of the green. Be smart on your approach and don’t bounce it off the back unless you are looking for Bogie.
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14 – Come On Down Bitch
Hole Info
Description
Another easy 200+ yard par 3. No problem. This one could give you the opportunity to run it up but oh look at that, a nice elevated green with a false front. Well, lets hope for wind or Jamie to take his shirt off because I’m going to need a throbber to get at this green.
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15 – Name of the Game is Bunker Plinko
Hole Info
Description
Time to rub nipples with some sand traps. The play here is to run out your drive avoiding those bunkers on the left but maybe catching the speed slope just past the last bunker. Your second shot should favor the right side but again rubbing nipples with that right fairway bunker. This gives you a shot into the slope of the green for a one put bird.
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16 – Fuck You DUNE
Hole Info
Description
This downhill par three just wants you to go long so you can write down a 5. Make sure you club is right and aim at the middle of this little green. Pin seeking here is a good way to get in some sand practice.
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17 – Creepy Face in the Green.
Hole Info
Description
This hole is fucking me up. That looks like a face in the green. He looks angry….Holy shit, it’s the ghost of Ghost Greek. Pretty easy choice here. Be a total bitch and hit it out to the right and short like 140 but be faced with a shot over water to the green. OR, be a fucking man and drive this ball up just short of the sand trap and take a big ol’ birdy dump on that fucking ghosts face. Easy choice.
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18 – Oh Patrick Swayze You Can Mold My Clay
Hole Info
Description
Another Ghost face green. I’m ready to leave this hell scape. This hole is all about that second shot. If you can hug the left side with your drive you leave less of a water risk for your approach. Patrick Swayze’s face is big and two tiered but just getting it on and safe is your main concern. Grip it and rip it and then drop it right on his fucking nose, 2 putt and run.